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Does this taste right to you?
My wife and I went out of town for a weekend getaway. It was lunchtime so we casually chose a restaurant and grabbed a table. We looked over the menu and I picked the option that looked most appetizing: Teriyaki Chicken Wrap.  We chatted about life and what we wanted to do that weekend until our meals arrived.

Jen offered to pray before we ate. We held hands, bowed our heads and she said a few thankful words. As she prayed my nose hovered over my plate and I could smell my warm lunch. Problem was it smelled weird for teriyaki. After we prayed I took a bite of my wrap; it tasted weird for teriyaki. Truth is, it just didn’t taste right.

I made a funny face and Jen asked if everything was ok with my meal. “Well,” I admitted  “it doesn’t smell right. And it just doesn’t taste right. Something is off.” She asked what I thought the problem was. Maybe the food was spoiled. I said, “It might be. It just doesn’t taste like teriyaki.”

And with all the love of a caring woman, my wife looked at me and said, “That’s because you ordered the TEQUILA LIME Chicken Wrap!

Oh! TEQUILA! Not Teriyaki. I took another bite. Wow, this is pretty good for tequila lime! Turns out there was nothing wrong with my food, it was all my perception.

It’s like the old saying goes, “perception is reality.”

Having you ever talked tequila lime with someone who thinks you’re talking teriyaki? And no matter what you say, you can’t change their perception? It’s frustrating.

God must be patient.

So often he calls on us to live a life that will honor him. We think it’s about us. God says, “I want you to do something.” We respond with, “But how will that make me look?”

It’s not easy to have a relationship your focus is on yourself. In fact, it’s not easy to have a relationship with anyone if you treat that person in a way that is designed to make you look better or feel better about yourself. You’ll never be present in a way that can be beneficial to them or the relationship.

I think this is the issue with most of our relationships, especially our relationship with God. Let me ask you, Is your daily prayer, “God, help me get through my day?” Who is your focus on in that conversation?

God feeds us. He gives us what we need, but not always what we desire. If we think that God exists simply to serve our desires we are living in a teriyaki world while God is feeing us tequila lime. Our perception will be off and we’ll misinterpret what God brings.

“This tastes funny.” “God doesn’t know what he’s doing.” “This is not what I asked for.”

It only tastes funny because you are not focused on what God is bringing, you’re focused on what you desire.

God knows exactly what He’s doing. That’s why he is serving you what you need.

No, it probably isn’t what you asked for. But when you are well fed, you can thank God later.

And if you shift your perception from yourself to God, then everything will taste better.
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I have one thought, "What about leap year?"

What do you think? Please comment below.
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Found at lipscombbiketour.blogspot.com
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PaStar Trek 10/14/2011
 
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I’ve been watching the Star Trek: Enterprise series on Netflix. It’s campy and totally fun to watch. It made me wonder. There are a lot of trekkies out there. What if a pastor was a trekkie? Here’s list of things to look for to know if your pastor has gone overboard as a trekkie:

1.     The pastor’s office is called the “ready room”

2.     We are told we should no longer “Klingon” to sin

3.     The church is renamed the Enterprise

4.     Missionaries are encouraged to, “Go where no one has gone before.”

5.     There is a giant view screen in front of the sanctuary

6.     The pulpit is referred to as the Bridge

7.     The “Alleluia” chorus at Christmas is replaced with the “aaaaAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA” from the original series

8.     The benediction consists of him/her holding his hand up, splitting his fingers apart to form a “V” and saying, “Live long and prosper”

9.     The mission team goes on an “away mission”

10.  All Sunday morning programs have the “Star Date” on them

11.  We’re taught that carrying out the Great Commission is the “Prime Directive”

12.  The Fellowship Hall is now “Ten Forward” (For you Next Generation fans)

13.  For Catholics: Confessions consists of a mind meld

I’m sure you can think of some more. What can you come up with? Leave your comments please.
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Ever get worked up over something? I mean so worked up that you can’t even address it? So worked up that you can’t even think straight? How many times in the past year would you say you were really worked up over something? Let me ask you this… Out of all those times this past year, can you remember exactly what it was you were worked up about? Not many? It’s like I always say,” It’s not like the bear has the Cheerios.”

That’s right, “It’s not like a bear has the Cheerios.” I’ve been saying that for almost two days now.

Two days ago, my wife and I were packing up the Highlander after spending a few nights in the Smoky Mountains. I was upstairs brushing my teeth and my wife came running into the cabin shouting, “A bear has our food!” I thought a bear had walked into the kitchen and I was trying to figure out a way to get outside. We both panicked. I tried getting out by running in a circle in the bathroom before going out the door, then I did another panicky circle in the bedroom, then ran out the first door I saw into an enclosed patio. This wasn’t going so well. I was pretty worked up. After all, my only knowledge about how to deal with angry bears is from Bugs Bunny cartoons. Apparently, if you play dead, they’ll come up and sniff you and then make a face and walk away.

My wife then said, “He’s not in the cabin, he’s in the car!”

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Not Actual Bear. This is an Actor
Now I’ve heard about bears smashing in cars just to get a candy bar and recently a friend, who I told this story to, informed me he once watched a bear peel a door off a ¾ ton truck because he saw a bag of chips inside. (Probably Sun Chips. Those things are awesome!) So now I’m no longer concerned about my safety, I’m worried about driving home in a car that is completely torn to shreds on the inside and whether or not my insurance covers bear attacks. Not to mention that horrible bear smell that doesn’t come out no matter how much FeBreeze you use.

As soon as my wife said he’s in the car, she said, “He’s walking off with our Cheerios.”

I have nothing against Cheerios. But I couldn’t be more relieved to know that the bear was walking away with them. And if you are wondering, these were not Honey Nut Cheerios, those apparently just attract bees. These were multi grain Cheerios, which seem to attract black bears. I think bears are beautiful creatures, especially when they’re walking away from you, Cheerios or not.

Ever since that fateful day, two days ago, whenever I get worked up over something (remember I am the Mad pastor) I think, “It’s not like a bear has the Cheerios.”

Do you have something that is gnawing at you? If it’s a black bear, it’s probably pretty serious. If it’s something else, ask yourself, “Is this worth running around in circles over?” Jesus warns us about getting overly worried. He said, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food [aka Cheerios], and the body more important than clothes?... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:25, 34)

When life seems overwhelming, take stock of what you have, think about what Jesus says, and maybe even say to yourself, “It’s not like a bear has the Cheerios.”
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Cheesus 04/20/2011
 
Do you believe in Cheesus? Turns out a lot of people do. I heard about food looking like Jesus and thought I'd do a quick search online. I found three different stories about Jesus showing up in a bag of Cheetos. Three times! I found another story of him showing up in a cheese sandwich.

It seems that Jesus prefers to show up in food made of cheese. That made me think about a few things.

1. Does Jesus really show up in food?
2. Should I be careful the next time I eat something with cheese?
3. Why cheese Jesus? Why not a bowl of oatmeal? Or one of those giant suckers with all the swirls?
4. Does Jesus eat a lot of cheese?
5. Does Jesus have a lot of Cheetos dust on him like we all do after we eat a bag of Cheetos?
6. I don't think I could lick a sucker that looked like Jesus.
7. If I hug Jesus will I be covered in cheese dust?
8. Why am I thinking about nachos right now?
9. I feel weird when I bite the head off a chocolate bunny, how could I ever eat a Cheesus?
10. Does Jesus find this amusing?
11. If Cheesus showed up in a pizza would the edge be called Cheesus Crust?
12. I'm still feeling a little weird about the Jesus sucker. I wish I could let that go.
13.Does God like to be called the Big Cheese?
14. Will I get in trouble for this list?
15. Will bags of Cheetos show up at my church office?
16. Will angry people show up at my church office?
17. Will they be angry about the cheese or the sucker?
18. Nah, they will probably be angry about the music selection.
19. I once had a cat named Cheezy. (True story!) He's with Jesus now.
20. Do cats go to heaven?
21. What was I talking about?

Oh yeah... Have you ever seen Jesus in your food? If you did, what would you do with it?
 
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It's either Jesus
or a squirrel
So I ended last week with my favorite church joke. You can read it here. I also said I would tell you later why I love it. Well, it’s later.

I love that joke but it also drives me mad. I love that joke because it quite accurately represents what I’ve seen take place in churches every Sunday. That same joke drives me mad because it quite accurately represents what I’ve seen take place in churches every Sunday.  

Imagine if you went to school and the answer to every test question was the same? We’d all graduate with honors. (However, I am forced to believe that even some people would miss the boat and have to take summer school.)  But even though the rest of us would all be graduates, we wouldn’t be very smart because we’d only know one thing. And quite frankly, knowing one word isn’t a skill that will take you a lot of places. Not even the “magic word” can get you through life.

When a child assumes the answer to every question in Sunday school is “Jesus” or “God,” we’ve done something wrong. He/she hasn’t learned anything. They’ve only learned to say “Jesus” or “God.”

 Think about the joke. That pastor is describing something small, brown and furry with a bushy tail that climbs trees and hides nuts and a little girl thinks the answer is Jesus! Aaaarrrrghghh!

When Sunday school started back in the late 1700’s it was to educate children who otherwise would not know how to read or write. The Church did a wonderful job of helping out society by providing a real education. The Bible was used as the text book so not only did children learn to read and write, they did so by reading the Bible and memorizing Scripture. They practiced their grammar skills by writing Bible verses. With the advent of public school systems, the Church was no longer needed to provide those skills. (Click here for a nice little article about the history of Sunday school.) Now we’re left with what we continue to call Sunday school but is very different from what it started out to be.

Since most kids today learn how to read and write in some kind of school, be it public, private or home, what is Sunday school being used for at churches; a place to “tend” to our children for an hour a week or a place to grow and develop a child’s mind and spirit? Of course, many churches have a great education system to stimulate young children’s minds and promote their spiritual growth. But I have to admit, based on my experience growing up, my guess is there are more churches than not that unintentionally teach that Jesus has a tail and climbs trees.

Call me crazy, but shouldn’t churches be taking advantage of what schools are doing? Shouldn’t kids be reading and writing about Jesus and other Biblical stories? Would it be wrong for churches to hand out homework assignments, have quizzes and a graduation system? Couldn’t those Sunday school graduates become qualified Sunday school teachers or other leaders in the Church?

Do you think the Jesus/squirrel joke reflects the majority of churches today or am I the one who is nuts? Whatever your thoughts, share ‘em and tell me why.
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And bless Ma and Pa...
A pastor sits down with the children during service. He says, “Children, I’m thinking of something. I want you to try and guess what I’m thinking of.” He continues, “What I’m thinking of is small, brown, has a bushy tail, climbs trees and hides nuts.” Finished with his description he asks, “Can anyone tell me what I’m thinking of?” 

One little girl, about 4 years old, raises her hand as high as she can and rocks her arm and wiggles her little body trying to get the pastor’s attention. Having succeeded, the pastor eyes her and says, “Ok Suzy, can you tell me what I’m thinking of?”

Little Suzy speaks up because she wants the whole church to hear what she has to say, “Well, it sounds like a squirrel, but I know it’s JESUS!”

I love that one! I tell you later why. For now, have a great weekend! Until then, please leave your favorite joke that you can tell in front of a church, preferably a “church joke.”
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What's So Funny? 03/09/2011
 
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Because I grew up in the church, I’ve seen a lot of pictures of Jesus. Jesus praying on a hillside. Jesus holding out his hand. Jesus hanging on the cross. Jesus watching over sheep. Jesus healing a blind man. Jesus walking on water. Jesus. He’s so serious.  

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining that these paintings are objectionable. I’m sure each of them in their own way, captures a part of who Jesus is. But what I never see is a picture of Jesus laughing. I mean, head back, eyes shining, mouth opened laughing. At least until I saw this one.

I may sound mad, but I want to worship a God that knows how to have a good laugh. That’s why I love this picture of Jesus so much.  

Why is Jesus laughing? Did one of his disciples Peter just tell a joke? Was Peter the joke? Did Jesus punk one of his friends? Please, leave your ideas of why you think Jesus would laugh.
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What do we all have in common? We all have belly buttons! Some have innies and some have outies. We all have belly buttons because we all have mommies and our umbilical cords were cut the day we were born.  

So I have a question about one man. What about Adam? He didn’t have what we would call a traditional birth. Genesis says,  “Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.” So what about the umbilical cord? It doesn’t sound like Adam had one. If not, does that mean he didn’t have a belly button?
 
I may be mad, but I think God looked at his creation, saw how wonderful his work was and, just like any new dad would want to touch his child, God reach out and poked Adam in the belly and said, “Goochicoo!” And just like that, Adam had a belly button!

So my vote is yes, Adam had a belly button. What do you say?
 
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